i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
