i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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