Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
