After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
