Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
