I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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