awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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