There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
