it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
