I think I died a long time ago.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
