Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
