In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
