What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
