O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
