can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
