Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
