the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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