Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
