Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
