Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
