I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
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I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
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