do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
