dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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