Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
