He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Why is your signature on my underwear?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
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