Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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