I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
