he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
North Korea, Best Korea!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
