Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
