i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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