my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
