11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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