And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
