I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
