sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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