4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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