i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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