I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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