Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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