one two three fourrrrnication!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
we should paint friendship bongs
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