jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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