i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
