So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
