Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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