Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
