Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
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Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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