DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
How does one acquire holy water?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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