I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
