glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
