People in love make me want to vomit
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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