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bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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