Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
