He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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