im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
