Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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