he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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