Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
