I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
