I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I intend to get homeless drunk
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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