Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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