I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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