just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
