So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
This is the high leading the old right now
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Is Oprah even human
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
