and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Randomize
