Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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