eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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