I must be too annoying 4 u.
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
