He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
