did you get engaged???
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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