don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
