p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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