It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
