Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
