Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
