Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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