looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
