I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
